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A Warm Welcome

Who can hear the name Sligoil without feeling a warm glow? Or the cool blast of an air-conditioning unit? Because we’re proud to say that our energy is at your service, absolutely everywhere…

The bubble of bedroom radiators. The steam of fresh porridge. The vroom of commutes. The purr of laptops on laps. The pounding of toes on treadmills. The buzz of streetlights on our way home. The sighs of loved ones on life support. The squelch of anti-aging cream. The beep-boop of data banks. The kerching of money banks. The click of switches. The tap of keys. The zap of networks. The everything of everything.

This is your world. But it is our light.
It’s been this way for over a hundred years. And it will be this way for one hundred years more.

Sligoil. Your power is in our hands.

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Natural is Best!

A whole generation is waking up to the power of nature.

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Oil or Nothing!

This article was written by a top freelancer on Fiverr.

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While Stocks Last!

Sligoil’s hot hot hot – as stocks jumped by 666% this week.

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Meet The Board

Lara Sligo

Chief Executive Officer

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Zack Uchiyama

Human Resources Officer

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Eddy Arnold

Chief Tech Officer

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John Kane

Chief Legal Officer

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Mark Drubsdell

Chief Financial Officer

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Roland Westminster

Chief Longevity Officer

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Sandra Sinclair

Chief Operating Officer

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Luke Ashmore

Chief Publicity Officer

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Support

Your Sligoil

About Us

Legal Policy

NATURAL IS BEST!

Construction worker with oil rig in the background

Facts are everywhere these days. But nothing beats a home truth. And the fact of the matter is this: natural is best.

From natural food, to natural beauty – a whole generation is waking up to the power of nature. And, at Sligoil, we’re all for it. Naturally. Because Sligoil’s energy comes from 100% natural sources. Whether that’s the wind-swept seas of Scotland, or the ancient grounds of Lancaster. We operate across the UK, braving the elements, to harness the power of nature.

In the words of Sligoil’s Chief Publicity Officer, Luke Ashmore:

“Many people in the media wax lyrical about new sources of energy. At best, these are synthetic attempts to replicate what already exists out there. At worst, they are aberrations that go against the fundamentals of nature. As we see it, atoms are whole for a reason. It’s the way nature intended it. And you can’t just go about chopping them up willy nilly. It stands to reason – nothing beats the real thing.”

Well said, Luke. If you have been affected by any of the limp satire in this article, please write to your local MP. Statistically speaking, they’re probably a good friend of ours – and we’ll have the issue sorted in no time at all.

OIL OR NOTHING!

Two employees checking a document on their clipboard, inside the oil rig

EDITOR’S NOTE: This article was written by a top freelancer on Fiverr. Was it a crime to be seduced by the prospect of “100% error-free webcopy – that builds Trust & Authority – from just 10$”? Perhaps. The issue has been escalated.

And then there was light even at night. Thousands of years ago ancient cultures started to use kerosene to light up their homes and ever since then oil has expedited the development of civilization.

Every child knows that cars run on petrol and homes are heated with oil. What’s more, did you know that oil is essentially the raw material of plastic? Water bottles, food packaging, detergent containers, everything is based on oil. Even the bag you put all your shopped items in is made from petroleum. Cosmetics are often based on oil and the CD you listen to while you rub oil in your face to prevent wrinkles is also made from the black gold.

Not only does oil heat our homes but they are made from it. Oil is used to make many artificial compounds. PVC for example is in window frames, floor coverings, medical devices and hoses.

Without polyethylene there would be no thermoplastics which means no watering cans, buckets, television housings, Tupperware boxes, vacuum cleaners. Polyamide is the material for synthetic fibers, which also includes nylons.

Detergents and cleaning agents are based on ethylene oxide. For the simple pressboard shelf you put your oil-based DVDs on an average of 7.5 liters is needed. Not sure what that means? Here is an easier to grasp example. The simple nylon tie your Dad wears to work is made of half a liter of crude oil.

Running out of oil would mean speeding back to stone age standards, drinking from wells, eating what you pick, catch, shoot today and maybe even worse wearing loincloth made from leaves, animal skin or fur.

WHILE STOCKS LAST!

The news is in. And Sligoil’s hot hot hot – as stock jumped by 666% this week. This comes after a series of public announcements from the company, including:

  • New fracking application granted by UK Gov
  • North Sea drilling operations to be expanded
  • Several activist leaders jailed for unlawful obstruction
  • Luxury hotel chain planned for abandoned off-shore rigs

Taken as a whole, these announcements demonstrate that Oil & Gas is here to stay. And it sends a clear message to investors everywhere: get on board before it’s too late. Mark Drubsdell, Sligoil’s long-standing CFO, had this to say:

“When I took this role back in 1992, people said this was a dying industry. But luckily, mankind is a long way off from rejecting the pleasures of oil. The cars, the planes, and the plastics. This is equally true of the new generation. Rather than the wide-spread rejection of carbons (as predicted by global trend reports), they’ve adopted a sort of green-lite tokenism. They will eat a vegan burger on the Wednesday, but fly to LA on the Saturday. And power to them! LA is a beautiful city.”

So, if you’re looking to pump up your investment portfolio, Sligoil certainly packs a punch. But of course, please remember that any financial investments may rise or fall and past performance does not guarantee future performance in respect of income or capital growth; you may not get back the amount you invested. You are strongly advised to consult a professional adviser before making any investment decisions.

Lara Sligo
Chief Executive Officer

Lara Sligo standing portrait

Leadership. Some people learn it, others are born with it. And by “others”, we mean Lara Sligo. Daughter of the late, great James Sligo, Lara didn’t just inherit a multinational empire. She inherited her father’s ability to evoke, evince, and inspire – talents she’s putting to good use in her quest to give hydro-carbons a much-needed makeover. You said it Time magazine: “oil never looked so good”.

Zack Uchiyama
Human Resources Officer

Zack Uchiyama standing portrait

Life at Sligoil is a gas. And it’s all thanks to Zack. He hand-picks the leaders, who hand-pick the managers, who hand-pick the workers who actually do the work at Sligoil. If someone has a problem, they turn to Zack. If someone is a problem, Zack turns on them. Luckily for them, Zack is a people person. Unluckily for them, he’s a company man and his hands are tied.

Eddy Arnold
Chief Tech Officer

Eddy Arnold standing portrait

Ground-breaking. Earth-shattering. Death-defying. These are the kind of technologies that get Eddy hot under the collar. Because if it doesn’t change the world, he’s not interested. That’s why he’s top dog at Sligoil Labs – way out there in the blue – at the forefront of what’s humanly possible. Hey Eddy – Send us a postcard from the future. It must be beautiful over there.

John Kane
Chief Legal Officer

John Kane standing portrait

Unfortunately, there are some groups that don’t like Sligoil – whether that’s The Candlelight Enthusiasts of London, or The Neolithic Historical Re-enactment Society. And that’s where John comes in. He’s here to keep our operations cleaner than a Remotely Operated Annular Control Device. So that our side of the law is always right side of the law.

Mark Drubsdell
Chief Financial Officer

Mark Drubsdell standing portrait

Mark has a passion for giving. Whether that’s giving our shareholders the wealth they deserve, or giving our nation’s workers the fruits of a booming economy. For Mark, there is no greater joy than putting money in pockets. And with him at the helm of our finances, it’s never been a better time to invest in some bigger pockets. Because a healthy Sligoil is a healthy nation.

Roland Westminster
Chief Longevity Officer

Roland Westminster standing portrait

“Sure, we all get a little stressed about the future sometimes. But whatever happened to living in the present?” It was these immortal words that helped Roland get the top job in Sligoil’s MASSIVE sustainability department. For him the demands of tomorrow must be tempered by the demands of today. Like the great poets say: it’s better to burn out than fade away.

Sandra Sinclair
Chief Operating Officer

Sandra Sinclair standing portrait

Sandra Sinclair puts the word “Chief” into “Chief Operating Officer”. She also throws in the words “Operating” and “Officer” for good measure. Because nothing gets past Sandra. Not even a typo.* No wonder Lara and her are thick as thieves. While Lara spins the wheels of publicity, she can trust Sandra to spin the wheels of power. And some.

*Editor’s note: there was in fact a typo in this very paragraph, and as if to prove a point, the Sinclair Crosshair took aim and eliminated said-typo, thereby averting a very shameful mis-publication.

Luke Ashmore
Chief Publicity Officer

Luke Ashmore standing portrait

Luke is our PR mastermind – a necessary evil in this world dominated by Lights-off-Lefty-Looneys. It’s his job to ensure that, whatever happens, Sligoil comes out smiling. Because what’s more infectious than a smile? His ground-breaking campaigns include “Damned if you do, Dim if you don’t”; and the unforgettable “Carbon is Nature’s Way of Saying Thank You”